The Quiet Exit

Thick dark clouds, drenched in lightning, were approaching from the west in the last days of summer.

Before the turmoil from the news report had time to settle, Quinn turned off the volume to prevent it from affecting her mood. The light in the living room began to flicker when she dropped ice cubes into a glass of ginger ale. They sounded just like snakes disturbed in their lair.

She opened the balcony and leaned out so that half of her body was bathed in cool air conditioning and half was surrounded by the draining rain. She moved her hand across her forehead to block the sky's brightness. The air was charged with electricity, like a coin held for too long.

A bunch of insects could be heard humming around the forest. A dog was barking at nothing. There was a deep and mumbling rumble coming from the horizon.

She exhaled. She experienced the brief quiet after the rumbling and enjoyed it.

She filled her drink with whisky when she entered the room. Then another. Finally, this one will be a ginger ale for sure. Just amber.

When her hands settled, she cleaned the glass, tidied the living room, organized the closet with medicine, and scrubbed every tile in the bathroom until her spine tired. She showered. Dried her hair after using the towel. Got my bag packed.

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By early that morning, people were already in turmoil. While Liam lay sleeping due to his buzz from the poker game, Quinn was looking after their toddler. Theo made breakfast an adventure: spoon lashing out as he was pushed to eat yogurt, wet socks and dinner plate uproar when his bowl wasn't blue.

"MORE TOAST! BIG TOAST!"

The cartoon on the tablet sang in a pleasant tone. A firetruck song played over and over.

For some reason, the toast landed on the floor. Bananas were not accepted because they were too brown. After the dog licked the mess on the tiles, it quickly threw up behind the furniture.

He gave Quinn a fresh piece of toast. Theo shrieked. The bowl shot out of Mum's hand.

She slumped down to the floor, holding her ears closed while curling in as if her shoulders were the legs of a chair. It happened that her mind suddenly conjured, what if Theo passes out due to choking? What if the car seat detaches from its mounting? Would anything have happened if she missed him when he vanished during their trip to the grocery store?

Two years passed between her time at the nonprofit organization, where she drafted environmental policy and presented talks at conferences. Everything was neat on her desk, her schedule was complete, and her coffee was warm.

That Maddie, who adored her work, smiled often and did not constantly step on applesauce in her shoes, sounded like a different person.

She had a strong love for Theo. Painful enough to cause emotional injuries. Yet she didn't like this idea. The screaming. The mess. Her nerves were always pulled by an invisible hand.

Liam stepped out of her room, squinting, as she dealt with the dog's sickness by scrubbing it up with an old shirt. The book she tried to read for weeks had the pages marked with crayons. Because Theo was disappointed with the chicken soup, he cried out for dino nuggets.

He leaned in to kiss her, almost as if he could feel the energy in her air. Maybe not.

He simply said, "I'll take him to Mom's," and took the diaper bag and keys. "You could use a bit of rest."

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The duffle bag was placed by the front door in time for the bad storm. Droplets of rain hit the windows fiercely. The noise of thunder shook all the windows. Quinn went rigid with the bag in her hand, feeling her heart pound.

She went down the hallway to Theo's room. He was sitting on his bed. Smooth out the pillowcase made from material with cartoon trucks. He took his maimed and sticky dinosaur plush named Dex. She held it by her side and hugged it.

Her hotel room was very quiet, simple, and clean. She captured the scene of the cold sheets, the wine ready in the mini-bar, and the endless time.

She thought sending Liam a message telling him she needed more time would be better.  She was unable to continue using this approach. She didn't feel like she knew her true self.

She pictured a world without any sounds. And stillness. Being left unused by anybody.

Is it better for Theo to not have a mother as tight as piano wire? Could she hope that Liam would forgive her?

Did she believe she would ever forgive herself?

She held the little dinosaur with a stronger grip using her fingers. Her tears burst out continuously and were very hot.

She has a chance to attend. She had enough time left.

She moved to the bed with Theo and hugged Dex, enjoying the smell of what he had in his hands. As her heart calmed down, the storm raged above the house.

Once the wind calmed down and the thunder moved away, Liam sent her a text: I am on my way now. Got snacks. I hope you got sufficient sleep. Love you.

After examining the bag's contents, Quinn placed each item neatly into the closet.

In the seconds after Liam and Theo burst into the room with their bags and toys, she attempted to clean herself and turn on the oven.

Chicken nuggets. Dino-shaped.